In... Out...

I'm NOT angry,
I'm only lost
both in my laughter
and in my silence,
removed from this place inside me
where frequencies matched,
removed from my tears
and floods and surges
removed, 

from myself.

So, I meander,
I follow breadcrumbs
only to be eaten
by the crows.
I saunter,
with my chin up,
into the mouth of the beast
and wail
when it shuts it's teeth.

My compass magnetised
my reasoning traumatised
and through my days
I wander,
I ponder,
and then I wonder
what's gotten under my feet
what's gotten into me
that's chewing,
it's digging, it's clawing
and I'm caving, in.

Bargaining peace,
with the
click click of pens,
tick tock of clocks,
the 'are you okays',
'why can't you stays',
and 'things aren't the sames'.

But I sustain
I move, I push, I shove
and it never seems enough
but I do, and it's tough
but I do...

© Utsa Seth, 2019